Benjamin Baby

Things here in Ben land are in a state of flux. Daddy has moved to DC to start his new job while Ben and  I are frantically packing things up, getting ready for the big move up there mid-July. My sisters have been sweet (and brave) enough to let the two of us and our four crazed cats stay with them for the two week period between closing on our condo (next week) and closing on our new house (July 12th). They have no idea what they are getting themselves into.

In the midst of all this.. Ben turned one today! Because Kurt is 3 hours away we just had a low-key celebration. Ben got some fantastic toys, generous contributions to his college fund and was unleashed on a cupcake. Thankfully, he’s too young to realize just how much my cooking sucks so he ate the whole thing. Messy photos below (sorry about the bad quality. I was using my phone).

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Remember the awkward dragging-himself-everywhere thing that Ben is doing? I have somehow managed to capture it all on video. Be warned: the child moves EXTREMELY fast and you may not see anything but a blur on your screen. Also, he has learned that his parents are total dorks and wants nothing to do with us. They learn so fast…

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My job just suddenly got about 900% more difficult. Yesterday, seemingly out of nowhere, Ben became mobile. He went from showing no interest in moving whatsoever to tearing across the living room floor in a blur (albeit a cute one). And because he’s my kid, he’s not simply crawling like normal kids. No, he’s dragging himself around with his arms, still wholly unaware that if he used his knees, he’d zoom around even faster. He switches between that and rolling around like a mad man. It’s as though he’s training for boot camp or something. The first casualty of this new found freedom? The cat’s food. Evidently, Meow Mix is irresistible to babies, too. Who knew?

This coincided with Kurt being terribly sick (we suspect strep throat), me being a little ill and Ben having a stuffy nose. Oh, did I mention that we were also desperately scrambling to get our house ready for a showing (which exactly ZERO people came to. Ahrg!)? And Kurt starts his new job in DC in 3 weeks and we still don’t have a place to live? At this point, I’d seriously consider an offer of $13 and lunch at Taco Bell in exchange for our condo.

But these are all good problems to have. Ben may be fast on the move but he’s still extraordinarily happy and sweet natured. And Kurt has an awesome new job; surely we’ll find a house sometime, right? It could be a lot worse.

Below are some pictures I managed to take of Ben when he was sitting still. That’s an all too rare occurrence these days…

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You’d be hard-pressed to find a demographic who loathes Mother’s Day more than someone whose mother has died. Every single FTD Flowers commercial that reminds you to show your mom exactly how special she is by sending her an over-priced bouquet of neon carnations to assuage your guilt for having been an asshole as a teenager is supernaturally grating. There should be an alternative holiday: Yes, My Mom Is Dead But You Can Make Me Feel Better By Buying Me a Margarita Day. Hallmark could even cash-in on it with a line of greeting cards (“So sorry that your mommy is dead/ please have a drink on me instead!”). Let’s make this happen.

But, yeah, the day sorta sucks. I was lucky enough to have an uncommonly sweet, beautiful, funny, loving mom (which is a miracle considering the god-awful childhood she had. It reads like a Southern gothic horror story and you’d accuse me of exaggerating if I told you the totally true details). She fiercely loved and protected us. God help anyone who crossed me. She might have been short and older than most moms but, Jesus, the woman could verbally deconstruct you. She also had a hilarious sense of the absurd (she’d call me at work and tell me about some of the weirder talk show topics of the day. She once left a message on my voice mail that said, “Hi, honey. It’s mom [because, you know, I might not recognize her voice]. On Jerry Springer today there’s gonna be a guy who had sex with a horse. Can you believe that? Anyway, I love you.” Laughing, I forwarded the message to my co-worker who then forwarded it to everyone in the office). And she was a mom to all of my friends, too. I remember coming home one day to find her talking to one of my friends from high school. He had a terrible home life and was addicted to drugs. My mom, who tried alcohol exactly one time (“It tastes like horse pee,” she claimed, which make me wonder how she knew…) and balked at even taking aspirin (let alone, say, cocaine) was encouraging him to seek treatment. He did and is now a successful, happily married man who sent her flowers for Mother’s Day for years. Her passing left a giant void in the lives of many people, not least of all me.

But this holiday, instead of hiding under the covers with my iPod and a jar of Nutella for comfort, I have a reason to celebrate. Below are photos of that very cute, charming, hilarious reason. Who knew that the gaping hole in my heart could be filled by someone who is only 25 lbs? Thanks for taking the suck out of Mother’s Day, Ben.

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Cue the theme from ‘The Jeffersons’ because we are, indeed, movin’ on up… to Washington DC. Kurt applied for what is essentially his dream job (mine being, of course, Professional Duran Duran Stalker. I keep checking the help wanted ads and that particular career opportunity is woefully missing) and got it! Leaving here is a difficult decision but they made the proverbial offer he couldn’t refuse. It’s a federal job… does this mean we’ll be part of the Washington Elite that Sarah Palin keeps babbling about? I hope I get elected to a Death Panel so I can start culling the population of annoying old people.

So we have a month to sell our house, pack up, find a home somewhere near DC and move with an increasingly mobile infant and four easily annoyed cats. * pause to open a beer… or twelve…* Luckily, we already have Ben all packed up.

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I’ll get to the Ben section of this blog in a second. But first, permit me to geek out a bit. OHMYGOD! WE WENT TO SEE WILCO MONDAY NIGHT AND THEY WERE BETTER THAN THE BEST THING EVER AS EVIDENCED BY MY USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION MARKS IN THIS SENTENCE!!!! I would attempt to elaborate and explain just why they are so bafflingly amazing but words do not suffice; I would merely be reduced to a series of enthusiastic grunts and wild hand gestures (which also sorta describes Ben’s conception). Just know that if you haven’t ever seen them live, I am ashamed to know you.
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